Dealing With Your Thorn In the Flesh
Lesson # 3
“Coping With Loneliness”
Mother Teresa said, “The biggest disease today is not
leprosy or cancer. It is the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted, of being deserted and
alone.” Loneliness is one of the most pervasive disorders of our times. In
a poll conducted among patients in a psychiatric hospital, almost 80 percent claimed that it was loneliness
that drove them to seek help from a psychiatrist.
Loneliness is more
readily experienced than defined. Webster’s defines loneliness as, “Being without company, cut off from others, sad
from being alone, producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation.”
Yet we need to be reminded that loneliness
and solitude are not the same thing. Loneliness
is the result of the absence of personal intimacy or meaningful activity. Solitude is not being in the company
of others. Loneliness is always a negative experience, while solitude is often positive
and renewing
Loneliness is a very painful condition, yet
whether it was Paul’s specific “thorn in
the flesh” no one can ever say definitively. Yet it was a condition that Paul was
intimately familiar with. He said in 2 Timothy 4:16, “At my first defense no one stood with me, but all
forsook me.” It is obvious that Paul did not always enjoy his solitude for
he wrote in 1 Corinthians 9:5, “Do we have no right to take along a believing wife, as do also the other apostle, the brothers of the Lord, and
Cephas?” Many believe
that by this point in his life that Paul was widower.
The Causes of Loneliness
· Loneliness of Solitude.
Loneliness is enforced solitude. As we have already noted
there is obviously a significant difference between chosen solitude and enforced solitude.
If we look at the Apostle Paul’s situation as an example we can see several reasons
for his loneliness.
The first reason for Paul’s loneliness
was his Confinement. Paul wrote these words not from some friends home, or
the quiet of a pastor’s study, but from the depths of the Mamertine Prison
in Rome. Any type of confinement intensifies loneliness whether it be home, hospital,
nursing home, or military barrack.
The second reason for
Paul’s loneliness was his Separation (vv. 9, 12, 13, 20). Paul was cut
off from all the people that he had ministered to or with. Although Demas has forsaken
Paul, the several others are mentioned who are away on far-flung missionary errands;
Crescens, Titus and Erastus and Paul is alone.
The third reason for
Paul’s loneliness was his Aging.
Paul is now an aged veteran of many years of ministry. Generally speaking
loneliness increases with age. Age brings with is such crisis’s as the empty nest,
retirement, and the loss of those we love.
The Fourth reason for
Paul’s loneliness was Seasonal
– even the time of year can increase loneliness. In Paul’s
situation Fall is slipping a way and winter is coming on. The gray cold of winter can be a
cause of the dampening of spirits.
· Loneliness of Service.
The Bible reveals that some of the great men
of the faith battled loneliness. Moses the Leader of Israel found himself isolated by
leadership. Numbers 11:14 tells us “I am not able to
bear all these people alone, because the burden is too heavy for me.” I
don’t know if you have ever considered it or not but the one who walks in front must
turn his back to those who follow. Leadership isolates. We have all heard it said, “It
is lonely at the top”, and that’s true but the leader is not really at
the top he is at the bottom, beneath the heavy burdens of all those in his care. Even Paul
the Apostle experienced loneliness. Paul in 2 Timothy 4:10 said that, “..for Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world, and
has departed for Thessalonica…” Nothing hurts the leader more than seeing
someone you love, some-one who was once in the fellowship, grow cool and go back to the
world. Paul’s experience shows us that it is possible to accomplish so much, bless so
many, change the world so explosively and still experience the chill of loneliness.
The
Value of Loneliness
Nothing that God
allows in our lives, including loneliness, is without purpose. Our thorn in the flesh is
never punishment (Ps. 103:10-12) but is rather preparation.
·
One value of loneliness
is that God is it
According to one first hand account loneliness came into a young mother’s life in three stages. The first stage of her loneliness was when she learned to do everything alone. The second stage of her loneliness was when she cried alone. The third stage of her loneliness was the shortest because this is where the Lord found her. She said, “My mother told me to trust in the Lord and He would give me the strength to do what I had to do. I began to spend a lot of time praying, and I found that I was no longer alone. I had a friend who was always there to listen. That friend was Jesus Christ, and He was the cure for all my loneliness.” [R. J. Morgan, Nelson's Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations, and Quotes (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers (2000 - electronic ed.) p. 520]
Loneliness can be the starting point of a
new journey toward spiritual maturity and renewed intimacy with the Lord.
· Another value of loneliness is that it
·
The value of loneliness
is that it is also a
Abraham spent his
whole life time living in a tent yet the writer of Hebrews 11:9-10 says, “By faith he dwelt in the land
of promise as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents with Isaac and
Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise; (10) for he waited for l the city which has foundations,
whose builder and maker is God.”
Freedom
From Loneliness
There are some steps that we can take to
gain victory over loneliness.
· Acknowledge the Reality of Your
Loneliness.
Loneliness is real and it painful.
Loneliness has
nothing to do with being spiritual, it
is not a reflection of weakness as a Christian. Denial never helps.
· Accept God’s Provision for
Your Loneliness.
We have to accept that God is the only one
that can ultimately solve our problems, including this one. Humans were created with a
two-fold need – fellowship with God and companionship
with other humans. Blaise Pascal, the French scientist, held that in every human heart
there exists a God-shaped vacuum. Centuries before him, Augustine, said; “God created man for Himself and our
hearts are restless until they find rest in Him” According to Bill
Gothard, “Loneliness becomes our “friend” when
it forces us to enjoy the friendship of God as much as we would the friendship of others.” [R. J. Morgan, Nelson's
Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations, and Quotes (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers (2000 -
electronic ed.)”Someone Once Said” p. 516.]
“One tribe of native Americans had a unique
practice for training young braves. On the night of a boy’s thirteenth birthday, he
was placed in a dense forest to spend the entire night alone. Until then he had never been
away from the security of his family and tribe. But on this night he was blindfolded and
taken miles away. When he took off the blindfold, he was in the middle of thick woods, by
himself, all night long. Every time a twig snapped, he probably visualized a wild animal
ready to pounce. Every time an animal howled, he imagined a wolf leaping out of the
darkness. Every time the wind blew, he wondered what more sinister sound it masked. No
doubt it was a terrifying night for many. After what seemed like an eternity, the first
rays of sunlight entered the interior of the forest. Looking around, the boy saw flowers,
trees and the outline of the path. Then, to his utter astonishment, he beheld the figure
of a man standing just a few feet away, armed with a bow and arrow. It was the boy’s
father. He had been there all night long. God is always present with us.” [Pastor’s Study Sermons. Perspectives on
Preaching from Slaying the Giants In Your Life. By David Jeremiah “Liberation from
Loneliness” (Nashville: Nelson Direct) ]
· Allow God’s Word to Fill
Your Mind and Heart.
God’s word can speak to our
loneliness, we only have open its pages. Here are two to start you on your way, (Psalm
27:10, Hebrews 13:5-6).
The truth is that at some point lonely-ness
becomes a choice. Anyone can get lonely but you decide if you will remain
so. When loneliness creeps up on us in a
wave of despair we are tempted to withdraw from people and keep to
ourselves. If loneliness is to be overcome, it must be accepted that the initiative
in relieving the condition lies with those who are suffering. In 2 Timothy 4 when he was
lonely Paul sent for Timothy, he did not wait for Timothy to mystically realize that
Paul needed him. It takes courage to ask for help. To do this we have to risk
vulnerability to let people know we need them. But in order for someone to come, we need
to be willing to send out an invitation.
The Bible says in 1 John 1:7, “But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship
with one another…” Every time the word “saint” occurs in
the New Testa-ment it is in the plural, because the Christian life was
intended to be lived interdependence on with other believers. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
explains the principle of companionship, “Two
are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. (10) For if they
fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he
has no one to help him up. (11) Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But
how can one be warm alone? (12)Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand
him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
For Further
Reading
David Jeremiah. Slaying the Giants In Your Life. Chapter three. “Liberation from Loneliness.” (Nashville: W Publishing
Group, 2001) pp. 47-53.]