Growing in Grace
Lesson # 8
The Grace to Let Others Be
Romans 14:1-23
[Taken from The Grace Awakening by
Charles Swindoll. (Dallas: Word, 1990]
Introduction
We have
spent our time talking about the vertical grace that comes from God to us. Tonight, we
will begin talking about the horizontal grace that we should have with each other. God
demonstrated His love to us by sending Jesus to die for us by His grace, even when we were
still sinners. (Romans 5:8). We can’t pay Him back. We didn’t deserve it. Paul
tells us in Ephesians that we are to treat others the same way God has treated us.
It all
really comes down to our attitude. Viktor Frankl, concentration camp survivor, said, “Everything
can be taken from a man but one thing: To choose one’s attitude in any given set of
circumstances…” [Victor Frankl. Man’s Search for Meaning.
As quoted in Swindoll. The Grace Awakening. p.
152] Illustration: “Both the hummingbird and the vulture fly over our
nation’s deserts. All vultures see is rotting meat, because that is what they look
for. They thrive on that diet. But hummingbirds ignore the smelly flesh of dead animals.
Instead, they look for the colorful blossoms of desert plants. The vultures live on what
was. They live on the past. They fill themselves with what is dead and gone. But
hummingbirds live on what is. They seek new life. They fill themselves with freshness and
life. Each bird finds what it is looking for. We all do.” [Steve Goodier,
Quote Magazine, in Reader’s Digest, May, 1990]
But before
we proceed we need to establish one thing, we are not talking about “tolerance” as our society currently
defines it. “According to Christian author Chuck Colson, what our culture really
insists on isn’t tolerance but what he calls "forced neutrality," that is,
not ever voicing disagreement or objection to anything.” For example, when followers
of Jesus look at the increasing popularity of Buddhism in American culture, what does
genuine tolerance really look like? Daniel Taylor would say it’s Christians saying,
"Well, we think the main ideas of Buddhism aren’t true because they are in
conflict with the Christian faith, but we certainly affirm the right of Buddhists to
practice their faith freely and without hindrance." But the "forced
neutrality" Colson observes simply won’t accept that, but instead it insists
that Christians say, "Well, you know, Buddhism is just as true and valid way to know
God as any other religion is, including the Christian faith." [as quoted by Timothy Peck in a sermon
entitled “Ending Christian Intolerance.” On Romans 14;1-12. www. Sermoncentral.com]
We are not talking about anything goes tolerance, the universalism that all roads
lead to heaven, you just need to be sincere. What we are talking about are room within the
Christian faith for differences of opinion over personal convictions.
Lets
begin by looking at the truth set out in Romans
12:9-17. “Let love be
without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. (10) Be kindly affectionate
to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; (11) not
lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; (12) rejoicing in hope, patient
in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; (13) distributing to the needs of the
saints, given to hospitality. (14) Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
(15) Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. (16) Be of the same
mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the
humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.
(17) Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all
men.”
This is the epitome of the Christian way of life—the Christian’s
attitude! Why can’t we live like this? Because of the following tendencies:
A. The
tendency to COMPARE. We prefer sameness,
predictability, and common interests. Unfortunately, we base this on externals. Our
attitudes prevent us from seeing the big picture. God never intended for all of His
children to be the same. God is not up there producing “cookie-cutter,”
“paper-doll” Christians! That’s not God’s work—that’s the
work of man!
Legalism requires that we all be alike,
unified in convictions and uniform in appearance. Grace
finds pleasure in diversity, encourages individuality, and leaves room for differences of
opinion. Before we will be able to demonstrate the grace to let others be, we have to stop
this legalistic tendency to COMPARE.
B. The
tendency to CONTROL. This is certainly
hard for those who find security in religious rigidity. People who control use
manipulation through fear, threats and subtle hints to get their way. These people amount
to nothing more than Christian bullies. This kind of control nullifies grace.
[Warning! You will hear truths
revealed in Romans 14 that will go against everything in your human nature. Some of you
will resist this with every ounce that is within you.]
II. SOME BIBLICAL GUIDELINES THAT MAGNIFY
GRACE
A. ACCEPT OTHERS (Romans 14:1-4)
”Receive one who is
weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things. (2) For one believes he may
eat all things, but he who is weak eats only vegetables. (3) Let not him who eats despise
him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has
received him. (4) Who are you to judge another's servant? To his own master he stands or
falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand.”
In Romans 14 the apostle Paul is dealing with matters of Christian conscience and personal convictions. The text addresses the problem
of differences of opinion in “doubtful things.” Obviously some things are essential in the Christian faith. These
things are not optional; such as the virgin birth, the deity of Christ, the
substitutionary atoning death of Christ and his bodily resurrection. These are
non-negotiables. But apart from the fundamentals there are many other things that are not
as clear, not as apparent, and not specifically spoken on in the Word of God. In these
matters, we must allow for differing opinions between Bible believing Christians on how to
best apply a biblical principle. Paul is telling us that in these matters we are to accept
people with differing convictions from ours without trying to change their mind.
Today, our issues are NOT centered on whether or not to eat meat that has been
sacrificed to idols; our issues are: Going to movies, wearing makeup, playing cards, going
to live theater, watching certain TV shows, mixed swimming, having a quiet time every day,
going to a restaurant that serves alcohol, wearing certain clothes, owning certain cars,
living in nice homes, listening to certain music, drinking wine with a meal, dancing,
having a certain job, wearing you hair a certain way, having fine and elegant possessions,
getting a facelift, drinking coffee, working out in leotards…etc.
“A man
was a youth worker in an ethnic community many years ago. He showed the youth group a
missionary film. The film projector hadn’t been off an hour when the church leaders
called him in and asked him if he’d showed the film. He said that he had. They said
that they didn’t like that. He recalled that they had showed slides at the last
missionary conference. They said that if the pictures are still—fine. If they
move—sin!” [Quoted by Chuck Swindoll in “The
Grace Awakening” pp. 160-161]
Look at the first part of verse 3, “Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat.”
The words “despise him
who does” means “to regard as nothing, to regard with contempt, to
utterly despise, or to discount entirely.” Now
look at the other side, found in the second part of verse 3, “ …and let not him who does not eat judge
him who eats; for God has received him. “Judging” here means “ to
criticize, to view negatively, to make wrong
and damaging assumptions about the persons character.” Looking at others
with contempt is wrong!
What is acceptance then? Gladys M. Hunt wrote, “It means
you are valuable just as you are. It allows you to be the real you. You aren’t forced
into someone else’s idea of who you really are. It means your ideas are taken
seriously since they reflect you. You can talk about how you feel inside and why you feel
that way—and someone really cares.
Acceptance
means you can try out your ideas without being shot down. You can even express heretical
thoughts and discuss them with intelligent questioning. You feel safe. No one will
pronounce judgment on you, even though they don’t agree with you. It doesn’t
mean you will never be corrected or shown to be wrong; it simply means it is safe to be
you and no one will destroy you out of prejudice.” [Gladys
M. Hunt, “That’s No Generation Gap!” Eternity Magazine, Oct. 1969, p. 15.
as quoted in Swindoll, p. 162]
Guideline #2: “Refusing to dictate to others allows the Lord freedom to direct
their lives.” “One person esteems one day
above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own
mind. (6) He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe
the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives
God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks.
(7) For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. (8) For if we live, we
live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we
are the Lord's.”
The later part of verse five seems of
special importance,
“Let each be fully convinced in his own mind.” Paul’s point seems to be uncomfortably clear.
Mind your own business. A Christian’s personal
convictions are just that personal.
Let me give you an example from my personal life. Some of you know that Debbie and
I homeschooled our daughter Nikki for most of her way through school. Yet I have never
preached that everyone should home school their children. Why? Because we believed that
this was something that God wanted us to do in our family, it was a personal conviction.
That did not make us better, or more spiritual than those parents that sent their children
to Christian School or to Public School. It was a personal conviction not a universal
principle.
Do we want to help others grow to maturity? Let people be different. We have to
stop trying to control and manipulate people into our idea of what a Christian is and
should be.
Guideline #2: “Refusing to dictate to others allows the Lord freedom to direct
their lives.”
C. REFUSE TO JUDGE OTHERS (vv. 9-12)
“ For to this end Christ died and rose and
lived again, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living. (10) But why do you
judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand
before the judgment seat of Christ. (11) For it is written: "As I live, says the
LORD, Every knee shall bow to Me, And every tongue shall confess to God.” (12) So
then each of us shall give account of himself to God.”
Guideline #3: “Freeing
others means we never assume a position we’re not qualified to fill.”
Why aren’t we qualified to judge? We’re not omniscient…so we can’t
read people’s hearts and motives. We’re finite…so we can’t see the big
picture and know the whole story.
We’re human…so we are imperfect, inconsistent, subjective
Because we are inconsistent, we are not qualified to judge. Of course, if there is
a blatant breaking with Scripture, we need to take care of the problem. That’s not my
subject…you know that! There is a place for discernment. Does this mean we are always
to agree? Certainly not! But we should be civil in our conflicts.
Guideline #4: “Loving others requires us to express our liberty wisely.”
“Therefore let us not
judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a
cause to fall in our brother's way.(14) I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that
there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to
him it is unclean. (15) Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no
longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. (16)
Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; (17) for the kingdom of God is not
eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. (18) For he
who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men
Love must
be the ruling authority in our expression of liberty.
·
We
are to live in freedom to please God—not others!
We shall answer to Christ—not others (v. 10)
·
We
need to act out our lives and the way we do things because of our love for each other in
serving Christ, knowing that we will have to answer to what He says—not what others
think and say!
Chuck Swindoll paraphrase of these verse: “Nothing that is not
specifically designated as evil in Scripture is evil, but rather a matter of one’s
personal preference or taste. So let it be. Even if you personally would not do what
another is doing, let it be. And you who feel the freedom to do so, don’t flaunt it,
or mock those who disagree. We are in the construction business—not destruction. And
let’s all remember that God’s big-picture kingdom plan is not being shaped by
small things like what one person prefers over another, but by large things like
righteousness and peace and joy.” [Swindoll p. 167]
Guideline #4: “Loving others requires us to express our liberty wisely.”
”Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and
the things by which one may edify another. (20) Do not destroy the work of God for the
sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with
offense. (21) It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your
brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak. (22) Do you have faith? Have it to
yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. (23)
But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for
whatever is not from faith is sin.”
Filter
whatever you do through this twofold
grid:
(1) Is
this going to encourage peace?
(2) Is
this going to hurt and offend or help
and strengthen?
2. Remember that sabotaging saints hurts the work of God.
(v. 20) You sabotage the saints when you flaunt your liberty, knowing that others have
convictions against it.
Why
don’t we all pray for this horizontal grace to change our attitudes?
Dear Father, for those who would wish to go too far with liberty, the restraint of love is hard to hear. For those whose lives are marked by lists, the expression of any freedom if hard to hear…even harder to see. Let us all know that we answer to You and You alone. Make us understand that we should strive for unity in matters of faith, grace in matters of opinion, and love in all things! Lord, soften our hearts today. Lead us to confess our tendencies to compare and control. Make us live by the guidelines that magnify grace in our relationships with one another. Teach us that accepting others is basic to letting them be. Give us power to refuse to dictate to others, allowing You freedom to direct their lives. Allow us to understand that freeing others means we never assume a position we’re not qualified to fill. Finally Father, make us understand that loving others requires us to express our liberty wisely. We do not deserve the grace we have received. Let us treat others with that same grace—even when we don’t believe they deserve it. Touch our hearts right now, God. Bring us to you for healing today. In the majestic and gracious name of Jesus I pray, AMEN.
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